It just hit me today that I haven’t posted on here in the longest of all my platforms. There were reasons. Many of them. Moving, traveling, anxiety, therapy, first anxiety attack in 3 months, getting myself on track with everything. A lot of it comes down to something that I think a lot of creative people go through.
I feel stuck.
Sort of. Not creatively, not in a I’m standing in a desert and can’t figure out which way is north because the sand goes in every direction kind of way. More of a I have all of these things in front of me where the hell do I even start, kind of way. Mixed with a little bit of being incredibly anxious about recording the next episode of my Patron podcast. I have a lovely friend who is a wonderful actor who is going to be voicing them for me once I get the originals cleaned up script wise, but I have to get this one out for my patrons first. And I’m for some reason scared of it and blocked.
Let’s add in this nagging worry about what stories I put on here vs behind a pay wall on Patreon, because what if I want to submit it? Want a fun fact about that? I have submitted 1 story ever. I have a folder filled with half finished stories, any of which I could probably pull out, work on until it was finished and then submit and have plenty of material for everything else. A part of me thinks this is what my therapist referred to as the death rattle of bad habits. That they pop up and flare up as we’re getting rid of them, making another attempt to assert themselves in to the new good pattern over the old “bad” one.
I started out the month with a lot of momentum and figuring out the ways that I could get myself organized and it worked really well. I haven’t been using those the last few weeks, and I’m working on going back to those since they were instrumental in me getting some serious work done.
That’s all I have for you tonight. I’m doing alright. I got a new job, I went on a much needed trip, and I’m still figuring out this new rhythm. Just wanted to post, update and say hi.